Goulash

Darkness. Silence. A faint noise, becoming louder. It is like the hissing of water boiling in a pot, the sound of many unvoiced vowels. There are overtones of whistling, like a kettle drum, but they seem to fall between the rattles of the boiling sound. The lights come up on a ratty-looking set, like the drama room of a high school. A faded blue acrylic rug, stained with coke and gum. Matte black risers make the stage higher than the floor. There is a beige couch, also faded and stained, and an amateurish painting of a redwood forest, monochromatic bark, monochromatic dirt, a little blue sky poking through in the upper left corner. A side table with plastic fruit in a bowl.

 

A man, Matt, walks in. He is dressed in ill-fitting brown corduroy pants, a t-shirt and stocking feet. He picks up a plastic apple from a fruit bowl and bites into it, denting it. He takes it from his mouth and starts squeezing out the indentations.

 

MATT

I want to cherish my world and my work.

The audience speaks with one voice.

AUDIENCE

Please create an optimally illusory world.

MATT

(clams up)

An audience member is beckoned.

MATT

I wanna be your man.

A pretty lady, Sara, in today’s trendy “nerd” attire, crawls up on stage, behind the couch. Fake snores are heard.

SARA

I want pork chops.

MATT

You aren’t a vegetarian?

SARA

B-12. Brain damage. Pork chops. Bacon.

MATT

I have some dough.

SARA

Hence, wench, else I prick you with my pretty jade pen.

MATT

It would persuade an embalmed cyclopoid copepod, and yet, the world…

Gestures to the painting.

SARA

I must have suckling pig meat, Matt.

The sound, which has continued in the background, skips like a dirty CD.

MATT

Es el usignolo.

SARA

Stands up and barks at the noise.

Four-and-twenty rat-birds

boiled in a vat

till their bones were greasy

like bacon fat

MATT

Rain Dogs? I’m suddenly hungry for mussels.

SARA

The Darkest Hour

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Man on a Ledge

Lockout

Please bring me back my heart, behind the spices. I don’t want to live in a rat’s nest. Once they begin to breed, innumerable millions, murmuring in the corridor. Garrote them with piano wire.

MATT

I have some harp strings.

SARA

Your butt-hair would make a fine paint brush. Thumbs up.

MATT

I’ll get some Children McMuggets.

SARA

Foie-gras, dirty diapers.

The sound stops completely. Matt pricks up his ears.

MATT

The owl just broke the flower vase. I’ll be right back.

Exits.

Enter Sita. She searches her pockets, extracts a key, locks Matt out.

SITA

C’mon, let’s go. Who wants to live in a world without love?

SARA

Gobble gobble.

SITA

Here you go sister, take my coat.

SARA

Matt went to feed the hawks, owls, and snakes. We had rats in the wall.

SITA

Let’s fly the coop. My car has stripes. I’ll let you drive. We’ll go to McDonalds and get food for the children.

SARA

I have to get the rocks out of my tube socks. Owls eat mice.

SITA

I don’t mark time. I swim with my tail, and they follow in my wake.

SARA

Mice are very small.

She hides behind the painting.

SITA

I don’t carry babies on my back, and I eat mice for dinner. All the others are real and alive. You look like a stick.

MATT

There’s a lot of dead rats. Maybe we could make soup.

SARA

My mouth is full.

SITA

I’m gonna fly silently to hunt at night. My pinchers are itchy.

SARA

This is a food desert. Let’s go to a food forest. Foodlodgepolepines, foodfirs, foodspruces.

SITA

I’ve got a tattoo. It makes me fast, like that old mosseater.

Oh, oh! This fiery height! Oh, oh! My feet of fire! My burning feet of fire!

SARA

This belongs in a museum

SITA

There’s moonlight. We’ll be able to see the clouds and cliffs.

SARA

We’ve got four legs.

They leave.

END

 

Advertisements

About aquaticbiology

I'm a person from the San Francisco Bay Area. I like reading, the movies, my family, and biology. I think the science blogosphere is really fantastic and this is my blog about aquatic biology and the life sciences - along with digressions into science-art and commentary. Enjoy!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s